


i had a thought, dear

by flyingroses121



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: 800 words, Angst, Domestic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Spoilers, juno's got issues but it's okay, jupeter, peter is here to help him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:21:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22580929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingroses121/pseuds/flyingroses121
Summary: Juno has a rough night. Peter's there to help.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 10
Kudos: 69





	i had a thought, dear

**Author's Note:**

> for the full effect listen to like real people do or work song. it made my friend lie face down on her bed for twenty minutes when she read it. enjoy!

Juno felt guilty for loving Peter. There wasn’t any other way to describe it. As he kissed him, one arm around his neck, the other draped across his shoulder, he felt something heavy nag at the back of his mind. He moved a hand to his cheek just as Peter pulled away for a moment. “Juno, are you alright?”

Of course he picked up on it. Peter was good at reading him. “Yeah, I… I’m okay.” He pressed a small kiss to his lips.

Peter broke it to lay his forehead on Juno’s. “What’s wrong, darling? You can talk to me.”

Juno shook his head as he closed his eyes. “It’s nothing. I’ll feel better soon.”

“Juno.” Peter said softly, pulling back to look at him. “I don’t mean to pry, but you really don’t seem like you’re okay right now. If I can help you, let me.” He pushed a hand through Juno’s hair as he pressed a soft, gentle kiss to his temple.

Juno ran his thumb along his cheekbone. “I… Peter, why me?”

Peter continued to kiss his face. “What do you mean?” He asked, pausing when he got to his jaw.

“Out of everyone you could have loved, why me?” Juno’s voice was quiet as he spoke.

“Oh, love.” Peter pulled back and gazed into his face. “I’ve never loved anyone else like I love you. You… Juno, I don’t know how to tell you how much I love you.”

Juno couldn’t look at Peter. Of course he had to ruin their night like this… “I just…” he sighed and shook his head. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Juno. Look at me.”

When he did, Peter spoke again. “You deserve to be loved. Don’t say you don’t. You’ve gone through too much to deny yourself this. Please, just let yourself be happy.”

A tear slid down Juno’s cheek. “You deserve someone better than me.”

“No. I love you, Juno. I can’t fathom the idea of loving someone else. I don’t want to. The mere thought of being with someone else upsets me.” Peter said, starting to feel emotions rising up inside him.

Juno’s body racked with sobs being restrained. They didn’t say anything else- Peter just pulled him closer, and Juno wrapped himself around him. He pushed his face into his shoulder, letting himself have this moment with Peter.

After a long moment of thick silence, Peter spoke again. “Think about yourself for once, darling. You spend so much time thinking about others, what they might want, that you never stop to consider what you want.”

“It doesn’t matter what I want.”

“Yes, it does. This is your life. Not mine, not anyone else’s. All I ask is that you include me in your story.” He let out a small chuckle.

Juno shifted to where he was laying on Peter, arms around his neck, face in his shoulder. Peter’s arms around him made him feel a weird combination between sick and safe. “I feel… this is going to sound stupid.”

“It isn’t stupid if you’re upset.”

Juno took a breath and let it out before speaking once more. “I feel guilty. Like… like being with you is something I’m not allowed to do.”

“Juno…”

“See? It’s so dumb, and saying it is even dumber.” Juno closed his eyes and let out a slow sigh.

“No, that isn’t what I mean.” Peter shook his head. “Darling, love is… love is inherently guilty. Love is guilty and selfish, and there’s no getting around that. Love has so many negative emotions with it, but it doesn’t cancel out the good.”

Juno only hummed.

“Dear?”

“I’m here.” He said softly. “I… you’re right. I’m sorry, I-”

“I didn’t say that so you would apologize for how you’re feeling, I said that to try and validate you.” Peter pressed the side of his head to Juno’s. “What I’m trying to say is that what you’re feeling is okay. It isn’t bad. I’m sorry you feel like this, and if I can help you in any way, please tell me.”

Juno shifted to sit up, and Peter moved with him. Juno looked into his dark eyes, a tired expression on his face. “You’re already helping. You’re helping by… by just-” he sighed in frustration.

“It’s okay, love. You don’t have to say anything.” Peter took one of his hands and kissed it gently.

Juno felt warmth pulse through him. It almost drowned out the bad. “I guess so. Peter, I… I really care about you.” His eyes were soft, built into a gentle face that spoke more than he ever could.

Peter smiled and rested their hands between them. “I know, Juno. I care about you, too.”

Juno was silent for a moment. “You aren’t mad I can’t say it back..?”

He let out a low chuckle. “Why would I be? I know you’re not in the state to reciprocate right now. There’s always tomorrow, a few weeks… hell, if you never said it again, I wouldn’t be mad. Because I already know.” His smile softened as Juno’s grew a little.

Juno hummed softly and leaned forward to lay his head on Peter’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

“No need for that, dear.”

**Author's Note:**

> like my work? consider commissioning me! message me on tumblr (@pinkstarrryskies) or twitter (@pinkstarrrs) for more information!


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